Entries Tagged 'change' ↓

Today is the 8th anniversary of 9/11, that fateful day when two planes demolished the World Trade Center in New York.

Everyone remembers just where they were when they heard the news. I was working in the City of London at the time and watched the world-changing events unfolding on a screen at a hairdressing salon. There was an eerie silence all around as we watched in shock, hardly comprehending just what was happening.

We had an American colleague working with us at the time, who only a year before had been on a work assignment at the top of one of the towers. As the Twin Towers came down, it dawned on her that some of her ex-colleagues and friends were likely to have been involved. Shock set in and I found a cab for her, making sure she got home okay as the trains were temporarily suspended in fear of a London attack.

On the way home, I joined a small crowd outside a TV shop, looking in awe and shock at the repeated clips of the towers coming down.

Eight years later, the world is no safer or wiser and there seems no end to the troubles around the world. Indeed today the world is struggling more than ever with growing inequality, poverty, economic and global warming challenges.

Today there is more angst in the world than ever before. The world is a far more dangerous place and we are all more vulnerable to attack, uncertainty and upheaval. The saddest part of it all is that we are no nearer to resolving any of the disputes and grievances that let to the 9/11 attacks in the first place.

Schisms between nations are becoming wider and there seems to be an ideology standoff between Christianity and Islam. All terrorism is blamed on Islam, which is portrayed as an unyielding, fanatical religion out to conquer the world and impose itself.

However it is time we all realised that multiculturalism does not lead to disintegration – we need to celebrate our differences, not ridicule them. In our hearts, we are all people with the same aspirations, hopes and ambitions. We all strive to better ourselves and create a better and secure future for our children.

Islam is not a monolith – I believe it actually covers 53 nations in the world. The fight today seems to be not between religions, but between ideologies

We need to remember that being a Muslim is just one aspect of people’s identity. Yet, that identity seems to have become paramount and sadly militarily defined. Whether one admits it or not, there is certainly a lot of Islamophobia out there.

It is time that we saw people as just people rather than judge them on their religious ideology. Ultimately peace can only come if we put our selfish motives to one side and think about the future of our children.

Today, rather than looking back once again on the events of eight years ago, let us focus on how we can bring peace into our own lives and work from there for peace in the world. And then maybe the legacy of 9/11 will be to bring us all together for the greater good of all.

The onus today is really on us to take a step back and look at our own lives and see where and how we can bring more peace in our life and in the world on an ongoing basis. Ultimately, if we bring peace all around us, then it can spread from there.

Have you ever wondered how you could make the world a more peaceful place? And how you yourself could feel greater peace of mind?

Well, I believe that peace has to come from within you and there are two key questions we all have to address in our lives:-

1. How can I find internal peace within myself?

2. How can I bring more peace into the world through my work and my being?

Here is a very timely and poignant quote from the Peace Pilgrim:-

“We can work on inner peace and world peace at the same time.

On one hand, people have found inner peace by losing themselves in a cause larger than themselves, like the cause of world peace, because finding inner peace means coming from the self-centered life into the life centered in the good of the whole.

On the other hand, one of the ways of working for world peace is to work for more inner peace, because world peace will never be stable until enough of us find inner peace to stabilize it.”

So the first key is to become more peaceful within ourselves. Here are my key tips to start bringing more peace in our lives:-

1. Create some daily peace routines

As one begins to bring more peace into our lives, it is important to have some peace routines.

To me, early morning is the best part of the day. There is generally a feeling of peace and quietness then that you do not experience any other time. People are gradually getting into the day and there is none of the hustle and bustle you get later one.

I suggest that you create a space in your life so that you can spend a bit of time early in the morning in self nurturing, rejuvenation, meditation. Also, you can use this quiet time to review the day and plan for what is ahead.

You can start your day with some meditation, soothing music, gentle exercise, whatever works for you. Follow this with a healthy and leisurely breakfast with your partner, the family or on your own.

Get into the habit of waking up early – and going for a walk or run in the morning. Not only will you be exercising, but your day will be off to a great start and it will increase your productivity.

2. Clean up your space and simplify your life

A key for peace in your mind is to have a physical space that feels neat and tidy. Psychologically we all feel better in a pristine clean home than in one that is a mess and full of clutter.

So a prerequisite for inner peace is to get your space clutter free and tidy. Do whatever you need to do to get rid of the clutter.

As you begin to bring more peace in your world and hence the world in general, make the most of your early mornings – a precious and peaceful start to each day.

As well as creating a clutter free space, there is a lot to be said for simplicity and focussing on fewer things and commitments in your life. Just imagine how much more peaceful your life would be if you didn’t have to think or be concerned about too many things.

I remember listening to a Buddhist master who kept repeating – “Let go”. So let go of all things in your life that do not support you anymore. That also includes letting go of people too, though that may sound harsh to some of you.

3. Look for ways to contribute to others

As we reflect on 9/11 and the lessons learnt, the sad truth is the world isn’t working right now as we threaten to bomb each other into oblivion.

What is truly missing is compassion. I sincerely believe that if more readers take this one thing to heart, the whole world will evolve.

Compassion is about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person and seeing the world from their perspective. It is about feeling their pain and empowering them to be their best. It is not about pity or patronizing.

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike – each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” – Buddha

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama

Just how can we learn to treat each other with more kindness, care, consideration and dare I say it with love?

Check out all these 29 ways to ……… and choose one or more methods to bring more kindness into the world

4. Celebrate our differences

When we see the world today in the state it is, we are left to ponder why we are even fighting each other.

At the end of the day all of us have the same hopes and dreams, the same challenges and issues.

Indeed we share the same planet, breath the same air and drink the same water.

Are we really that different? Somehow we just need to learn to get on with each other.

Wherever you go in the world there is a wonderful, common theme – people:

- Small, large, fat, thin.
- Loud, quiet, croaky.
- Brash, timid, aloof, cocky.
- Honest, innocent, mischievous.
- Black, white, brown, mixed.
- Anxious, laidback, schizophrenic.
- Colourful, drab, naked.

It takes all sorts of people to make our world so interesting and colourful. So let us celebrate our differences rather than fighting for a warped cause.

At the same time, searching for peace is also not about becoming a tree hugging hippy. Though there is nothing wrong with this, and each to their own path, the majority of the people in the world just want to live “normal” fulfilling, happy lives in peace with enough for their daily needs.

5. Forgive and move on

We all hang on to petty grievances and misunderstandings amongst our friends, work colleagues and most sadly amongst our family members. It is such disputes and simmering fights that ultimately energetically create bigger battles amongst communities and nations.

So ask yourself:

• What grievances can I let go?
• Whom can I forgive?
• What toxic or negative habit can you let go of?

This is not to say that you let others trod all over – it is also about respecting your own needs and boundaries and creating your life as best you want it to be.

6. Desire less

A while ago a friend sent me a quote which really sums up very eloquently a key way of bringing more peace in our life. Though I am not sure who actually wrote these words, it seems to have some Buddhist connotations:-

“Desires cause peace to disappear. You think that acquiring things will make you feel secure, but the reality is that the more you have the more fear there usually is of losing it, and the further you are from peace

Desires are the cause of all conflicts. When you want something and cannot get it you become frustrated. Learning to be free from desires is learning how to stay peaceful.”

So by curbing our lifestyles and aspirations we would not only benefit the planet but also bring more peace in our lives. Isn’t it amazing how all of these things are so intertwined?

7. Listen to your heart and follow your own path

Finally, it is all about getting clear about your own truth and following that. Cut through all the media hype and determine for yourself just what is really going on in the world around us today.

For your own peace of mind, get more information and insights into the conflicts around us and with that knowledge support a just cause rather than being led along blindly with the rest of the masses.

On a micro level, to resolve any conflict, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and listen to the promptings of your heart. Give up trying to control others and focus on your own life.

Here is another insightful buddhist message which is very relevant:

Do not believe, just because wise men say so.

Do not believe, just because it has always been that way.

Do not believe, just because others may believe so.

Examine and experience yourself!

So for your own peace of mind, just remember to closely examine any situation and then let your heart rule rather than your head.

To conclude, the main question to ask yourself on this 9/11 anniversary is:

How can I bring more peace into my life today?

To help you get started, reflect on these following questions and apply in your life:

• What will YOU do to bring more peace into the world?
• What will you NOT do?
• What peace habit will you apply EVERY day?
• WHO will you forgive and let go?
• Who will you STOP trying to control?

Reflect on the answers to these questions. You may also want to come up with your own questions and reflections.

And remember that it is not just about bringing peace in the world today – it has to be a daily and life long practice.

By bringing more peace within us and around us, we ultimately bring more peace to the world and make it a better place.

On this 9/11 anniversary, surely that is not too much to ask for?!

“One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal we seek, but that it is a means by which we arrive at that goal. We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

Arvind Devalia is a performance coach, social entrepreneur, speaker and writer who aspires to live a life of contribution, connection and celebration. His blog “Make It Happen” focuses on making things happen in your life and the world.

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I recently had a birthday. As I’ve gotten older, birthdays have become for me a time of intense self-reflection: where am I in my life, where do I want to be, what could I improve? They don;t depress me, like they do so many others, but they do make me think.

Birthdays are also natural times for me to make new resolutions. New Years Day has never felt like much more than an accident of the calendar, but birthdays – especially with mine falling right at the start of the academic calendar that has dominated most of my life, when I really am making a new start in much of my life with the dawn of a new academic school year – seem like a natural time to start making choices about the year ahead.

Now, I said “resolutions”, and we all know resolutions fail. My fellow Lifehack writers have written about the failure of resolutions over and over again, as for instance in Steve Errey’s post entitled pretty unambiguously New Years Resolutions Don’t Work – Here’s Why. But I think we need to reframe the idea of resolutions, to think about them not so much as goal-setting but as problem-solving.

When we think about resolutions, we tend to think of them as a matter of resolve, that is, of willpower. “I resolve to do x, y, and z.” Of course, if we had the willpower to work on our novel, pass on rich desserts, or be more outgoing at social events, we wouldn’t need to resolve those things in the first place. And so yes, they fail – and often leave us bitter and disappointed with ourselves.

But what if we thought about resolutions not so much as a matter of resolve but of solutions – that is, as a re-solution to life’s problems? My father, a great collector of quotes, likes to repeat Einstein’s dictum that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”; it seems to me that most of life’s problems remain with us because the solutions we’ve adopted don’t really solve them – and so we try the same solutions, over and over, harder and harder, thinking eventually those problems must give ground.

Consider, for example, this situation which many of us are or have been in:

• Problem: Your aren’t advancing in your chosen career.
• Resolution: Work harder, put in longer hours, apply for higher positions more often.
• Re-solution: Are you still committed to this career? Maybe you don’t have the passion and drive you had when you entered it ten years ago. If money weren’t an issue, would you still want to do what you do? What would you do? Inventory your skillset and your passions today and start looking into changing careers.

Maybe that isn’t how you’d address the problem, but you get the idea: a real re-solution needs to address the problem not in terms of what you aren’t doing often or well enough but at the very core, questioning the assumptions that the problem itself is grounded in. If you’re stalled out in your career because you no longer have any passion for it and are just putting your time in to collect a check, then a career change may well be in order – and if so, then it no longer matters that you’re stalled in your current career.

Let’s try applying this to a personal matter:

• Problem: You’ve been dating for months/years/decades and can’t seem to find someone with whom you’re interested in a relationship.
• Resolution: Get out more. Join an online dating service. Visit a professional matchmaker.
• Re-solution: What are you really looking for in a partner? Maybe you’re spending too much time and energy dating people because you should be interested in them, not because you are. Or Maybe you’re dating anyone who seems interested in you at all “just in case”. Take time to figure out the pattern in your past dating life and then act to consciously break that pattern.

Again, this may not be your re-solution, but the principle applies: whatever you’re doing isn’t working, so don’t do more of it, do something entirely different. And you can’t know what to do differently without really examining not just the behaviors that make up your current practices but the reasons you are behaving that way in the first place.

For the last few weeks, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing – re-thinking my goals, my choices, and my habits to see what simply isn’t helping to solve the things in my life that I’m not quite happy about. And, at the same time, the things I am – this  isn’t about self-flagellation, but about an honest inventory of strengths and shortcomings, so that the one can be applied to the other.

Two years ago, that process led me to embrace a fledgling second career as a writer; last year, it led me to seriously rethink my approach to relationships and what I wanted in a partner; this year, who knows? I think I have some answers I didn’t have a month ago – and I have another 12 months to figure out what to do with them.

Dustin M. Wax is the project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He is also the creator of The Writer's Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he's not writing, he teaches anthropology and gender studies in Las Vegas, NV. He is the author of Don't Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.

Follow him on Twitter: @dwax.

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Then and Now

When I was a teenager I thought thirty-somethings were dinosaurs. Fossils. Relics. Now I think they’re teenagers. In the eighties I wanted to be a hundred kilos of muscle and five percent body-fat. Now I’m more interested in finding the ultimate cheesecake. When I was a kid I worried about my non-Catholic friends going to hell. The last time I went to mass was twenty eight years ago. I guess I’m over that. Once upon a time I wanted to please everyone. Not any more. At one stage, I thought I had pretty much figured out the whole God thing. I now realise how arrogant that was and how little I know. There was a time when I pursued society’s version of success. These days I’m more interested in my version. For a long time I chased happiness. Now I gratefully accept it. At one stage my life was full of problems. Now it’s full of lessons. For a while there I hated silence and solitude. Now I crave it. In my early twenties I thought that situations and other people created stress in my life. Now I know that I am the creator of stress. And calm. I once obsessed about what clothes I wore. Now I spend most of my life in ten dollar flannel shirts and army shorts. At one point in time, standing in front of an audience terrified me. Now it excites me. There was a phase when my body was my identity. Now it’s just where I hang out. Not long ago I had no idea what a blog was. Now it’s the vehicle by which you and I connect. The meaningless has become meaningful. But only because I made it so.

Opening the Door to Subjective Reality

It’s true to say that the world I inhabited in the eighties and nineties is not the one I inhabit today. And when I say world I am not talking about some physical place or point in time. Neither am I talking about our culture. Or economic climate. Or our collective mindset. Or societal standards. Or fashion. Or technology. No, I’m talking about the ever-changing landscape that exists inside my head. The world I create and the world I inhabit day to day. As I sit here alone in my home office, it is silent. There are no people and no distractions. Just me and my thoughts. But where I’m sitting right now is not my world, it’s my location; Craig’s office in Hampton, Australia. As you may or may not know, your house number and street name have nothing to do with where you live. The message I’m now sharing with you is coming from my world. My world being the place from where my creativity arises. My world being the filter through which I observe humanity, process information, consider my observations and interpret the behaviour of others. It’s my escape when the external noise is overwhelming. It’s the place where I can explore, listen, consider, choose, feel and create. It’s a world nobody can visit unless I invite them. It’s where ideas are born and dreams are turned into plans. It’s the one place where my singing sounds good, my jokes are hilarious and my body doesn’t ache.  And while my world is the place where thinking happens, it’s also where I can escape thought and discover who I am beyond the cerebral noise. It’s the place where I can overcome fear and the place where I can transcend the sum of my life experiences in the physical world. In my world I have the capacity to overcome conventional wisdom and to explore who and what I might become beyond the self-imposed limitations, beyond the group thinking and beyond the weight of expectation.

My world is unique. As is yours. My world is self-created. As is yours. Knowingly or not. Intentionally or not.

The Stories we Tell

While I am influenced and impacted by the three-dimensional world in which physical me resides, I am not determined by it. I will create and inhabit my own reality because I have that choice and that power. As we all do. Every day people tell themselves stories which help them deal with, process, react to and understand certain aspects of their life. In other words, they manipulate their internal reality in an effort to help them manage their external reality more effectively. Kids alter their subjective reality when they create an imaginary friend. To the adult looking on, the imaginary friend is nothing more than a childhood fantasy but to the child, the friend is a legitimate and very real part of their (self-created) world. So much so that the arrival of such a friend often brings an observable positive change in the emotional state of the child. Without ever being taught the skill, kids somehow find a way to make themselves happier. Now that is clever. That is powerful.

The Last Bit

Coming to the realisation that you have the ability to create your own personal reality - despite your situation, despite your circumstance, despite your history and despite your environment – is one of the most important, liberating and empowering discoveries you will ever make. When you choose to create your own reality, the sky is the limit. And no, this is not some weird-ass, abstract philosophical concept but rather, an invaluable skill – if you choose to make it that. On the other hand, if you decide that this message is nothing more than self-help mumbo-jumbo-fluff, that’s exactly what it will be. For you. Can you imagine living in a place where there are no problems, only lessons? Or a place where every day is a good day because you make that decision? Or what about a place where the only approval you need is your own? I know that for some of you this concept of finding your way to happiness and calm by learning to manage your internal environment might seem like an improbable, overly simplistic and somewhat impractical solution to (what appears to be) a very complex problem or situation. For a long time I was of the same opinion.

Now I know better.

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker. FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.

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Time to Make Waves

In part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other people to control our lives; in essence, giving away our power in an attempt to be accepted, valued, appreciated and loved. By trying to “fit in and not make waves” (as someone shared with me recently) it seems that some of us have lost our identity and sense of self. The good news is that we can take back control of our life and still be that kind, generous and thoughtful person – who also happens to be strong, confident, assertive, productive, successful and powerful. And no, we don’t need to compromise our beliefs, goals, character or core values to do so. In fact, taking back our power can be the most important step towards living a life of true purpose, alignment (with our core values), integrity and joy.

While the following strategies are very effective, they are not always comfortable or easy to implement, so it’s a good thing that you and I are all about doing what works – not what’s easy! Not every point will be relevant for every person, so see what resonates for you. Also be warned that I may be a little… er… blunt in places (surprising I know), so if you’re feeling a bit presh you may wanna read from behind a cushion (like in a scary movie). Enjoy.

1. Stop looking for easy and start “doing” effective.

Today. All too often our desire to live a comfortable, painless, easy and safe existence (all things driven by fear) is the very thing that kills our potential, our productivity, our ability to develop and ultimately, our spirit. It is no coincidence that we (the society) have both (1) a widespread aversion to anything that makes us uncomfortable and (2) a high percentage of people who regularly feel frustrated, unfulfilled, lost and miserable. Ironically, it is our aversion to working against resistance that stops us from growing, learning, evolving and adapting. Sometimes (in the moment) we believe it’s simply easier to just “fit in”, to compromise and to bite our tongue. While this is understandable on occasion, over the long term this kind of behaviour and thinking will set us up for unhealthy relationships, stagnation, disconnection, frustration, desperation and misery. In order to take back your power you will need to be courageous (that’s a choice by the way), you will need to be prepared to get uncomfortable (that’s where you learn, grow and adapt) and you will need to do things that may piss other people off – perhaps the ones who previously pulled your strings for their own gain.

2. Face your fears.

You can never take back your power until you confront the things that scare you. By the way, being fearful does not represent weakness but rather humanity.

“Show me the person who fears nothing and I’ll show you an idiot.”

*There’s also an argument that the person who fears nothing might also be the person who has reached enlightenment… but that’s a discussion for another day.

If things only have the power and influence that we assign them (and they do), then fear is something we can control and use for our own personal development. For the most part fear is a completely personal thing. It’s not about the situation, circumstance or environment but rather US in it; how we react to, process, cope with and interpret the events in our world. That’s why we can see two people doing the exact same thing at the same time (a bungee jump for example); one is excited and having a great time, while the other is terrified and having the worst time ever. That’s because it ain’t about the jump; it’s about the jumper. Keeping in mind that each jumper creates his or her own reality. Of course there are healthy fears – not wanting to swim with a shark for example – but what we’re talking about here are those destructive and unhealthy fears that have been known to make people prisoners of their own mind. For a lifetime.

3. When nice isn’t. (Nice)

Seek to be strong not nice. Too many nice people get chewed up and spat out because all they have is a bunch of “nice-ness” and zero personal power. Sometimes nice-ness is actually a euphemism for weakness and far too often our need to be seen as the “nice person” (oh please) is what brings us undone. Endeavouring to keep everyone in your world happy is an exercise in futility, frustration and exhaustion. And stupidity. In short, it can’t be done. It’s not your job to “make” people happy; it’s your job to be you. And not the “you” that people want you to be, but rather, your authentic self. The one who has clarity, certainty, contentment and calm about who and what they are. And no, being you does not mean being selfish.

4. Stop being a victim.

The world isn’t fair. The majority don’t care about you or your issues. Shit happens. Bad things happen to good people. And lots of people are selfish and nasty. There; we’ve cleared that up. Now, stop seeking pity, attention and sympathy and get on with it. Stop having the same pointless discussions about the same issues, stop waiting to be “saved” and stop giving away your power. You don’t need universal approval, acceptance or endorsement, you need a different attitude.

5. Win respect through your actions.

Talk less, do more. What you do will tell the rest of us far more about who you are than any words that might come out of your mouth. Words are cheap and often meaningless. Most big talkers are just that. And nothing more.

6. Keep re-inventing yourself.

Being stagnant and inflexible in a dynamic world is a sure-fire way to become redundant, unnecessary and powerless. While your core values, beliefs and standards might remain constant, it is important that you continue to adapt, learn, grow and develop with your ever-changing world.

7. Value yourself.

Stop treating others as though they are of greater worth than you. Nobody is more important than anyone else. And nobody is more important than you. Nobody. This is not about having a massive ego or being self-righteous; it’s about stopping all the self-sabotage. You know what I mean. It’s about not rationalising mediocrity and failure any more. It’s about changing your standards and your thinking. It’s about not letting your poor self-esteem get in the way of your potential and your possibilities. It’s about not letting your past become your future. In case you don’t know or you haven’t been told, I will tell you now; you are worthy, you are talented, you are good enough and you are powerful. More than you know. If you don’t believe those words then you don’t value yourself as you should.

*By the way, power and humility can go comfortably hand in hand.

8. Fiercely protect your brand.

Don’t associate with people, organisations, situations or products that will damage your reputation. In the professional world (where many of us spend a great deal of our lives) your brand is your power. The stronger your brand, the more power you have (in that world). Prospective employers, potential business associates and customers will all “buy what you’re selling” based largely (if not solely) on their perception of you; your product, your service, your ability, your skill, your integrity and your value to them.

The Last Bit

I know that in my last post I said I’d be sharing ten strategies but I ended up amalgamating some of the points, so that’s why we’ve ended up with eight. I’m not short-changing you… honest! Hope this installment has been of some value to you. As always. I would appreciate your feedback on this post. The comments are important to me as it gives me some insight into the kinds of areas that you want me to explore… so don’t be a stranger. Even you chronic Lurkers. Leave a comment below.

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker. FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.

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My Head Hurts…

While the subject of “Personal Reality” might seem somewhat esoteric, philosophical and even confusing to some, it’s something that’s not only relevant to every one of us, but also something that impacts on virtually every area of our existence and human experience in a tangible and practical manner. All the time. Just as we each have different DNA, so too do we each inhabit our own “personal” reality. That is, the way we experience our world. Notice I say “our world” because the world and our world are two very different places. For the most part, one is absolute (forgetting that whole global warming thing for a moment) and the other is in a constant state of flux and transition; often changing drastically in a matter of minutes. You and I both know people who exist side by side with someone else (often in the same house), yet each of those people live in a total different reality. You may well be that people. Er, person. Why? Because physical environment (for the most part) doesn’t determine reality, we do. We make things good or bad. Hard or easy. A lesson or a failure. An opportunity or a problem.

A Universal Reality?

How you and I will experience things is determined by each of us individually, not by what “appears” to be going on to the rest of the world. There is no universal reality because every moment of every day you and I are interpreting, processing and reacting individually to a non-stop stream of information and stimuli from our physical world; the place we inhabit. Not to be confused with the place we live; our head. It could be suggested that the majority of our living (how we each experience life) is actually a cerebral, emotional and spiritual experience, not a physical one. Although some people work very hard to make their life all about the physical; which invariably leads to misery (another exploration for down the track).

We Create Hard. And Easy.

Yes there are universal situations, circumstances and events but there is no universal reality because things only have the meaning that we give them. Just as things only have the power (influence, control) in our lives that we allow them to have. Which also means that there are no “difficult” situations (for example); only different situations to which we each react individually. Some well, others not. Difficulty is a human construct; a label that you and I each assign to the various happenings in our world. Despite what most of us believe, there is no universal “hard” or “easy”; only our personal interpretations of, and reactions to, what goes on in our day-to-day practical lives.

Where we Live

By “living in our head” I mean that our experience of the world – that is, how we see various situations, circumstances and events, how we allow those things to affect us, what they mean to us and how we react to it all – is individual, unique and self-determined. Which is why we can see two people going through what appears to be the same experience at the same time (some might erroneously say, the same reality) – a very similar court case for example – yet they are both impacted in totally different ways. One learns a valuable life-lesson, grows emotionally, becomes more aware, compassionate and enlightened, while the other suffers from extreme physical, emotional and psychological stress – all self-created by the way (situations don’t create stress, people do) – loses confidence, becomes angry and bitter and slides into a depressive state for a period of time. Why? Because the two individuals weren’t actually going through the same “experience” at all; they were each creating their own experience. One positive. One negative.

The Puppet

Until we acknowledge that we each have the power to determine our own reality and create our own experiences, we will continue to be a puppet having our strings pulled by situations, events, circumstances and other people. We will continue to be the Reactor and not the Creator. Step one on the path to enlightenment, consciousness and lasting change (from the inside out) is to acknowledge that we can control our own destiny, we can each create our own reality, our world is not “the” world and our history will only become our future if we allow that to happen. Step two (in the Harper book of life-philosophy) is to understand that good or bad, hard or easy, happiness or misery are all choices – and to then live accordingly. And remember; by not making a decision, you are making a decision. Be mindful that the decisions you don’t make will have just as much impact on your personal reality as the decisions you do make. One way or the other. So don’t delude yourself. If you have the ability to think, reason and choose, then you have the ability to change your personal reality for the better. If you consistently choose to not take action, to not use your potential and to not take back the power you’ve given away, then you vicariously choose mediocrity and misery and have nobody to blame but yourself. Subscribing to the “things will work themselves out” philosophy is ignorant, naive, apathetic and shows a distinct lack of courage.

You are the author of your life. Start writing.

But What About My Sick Aunty?

Okay, I can hear some of you saying “but what about people who are diagnosed with cancer; surely their reality is decided for them?” And I would reply, is their disease their reality? Does it define them? Determine them? Is their reality determined by what’s happening to their (temporary) house? Is it possible for a terminally ill person  to experience joy, pleasure, connection, fulfillment and happiness? A personal reality of calm and contentment perhaps? Of course it is. One of life’s great curiosities is that we often see terminally ill people who are much happier (happiness being the one universal goal) than their healthy counterparts. Why? Because they have let go of that which made them unhappy; fear, insecurity, greed, anger, bitterness… ego; the destructive crap. They have created a new reality to inhabit. A much better one. While they will deal with the disease in a practical and intelligent manner, they will also have an ever-present awareness that they are not their body or their disease, therefore they do not need to be miserable. And yes, I know that this paradigm messes with our very Western thinking but that is our loss – and another example of logic and science getting in the way of potential. Cultures much more evolved than ours have understood and embraced this wisdom forever.

One Doesn’t (need to) Equal the Other

In truth, the absence of physical disease doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness or success (we see evidence of this every day), just as the presence of disease doesn’t necessarily equate to misery or catastrophe. So while cancer may affect my body, there is no need for it to determine my reality. I will choose my reality, my reality will not choose me. A disease is not me and I am not it. Just as the chair that I currently sit on is not me, neither are cancerous cells that might inhabit my body, me. While others may rationalise misery and catastrophe, I will choose happiness and calm. Because I have that option. Because my reality is my choice.

As is yours.

Tune in for Changing Your Personal Reality -Part 2 next week.

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker. FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.

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