Entries Tagged 'social' ↓

Life, to me, is all about human connections.

No, it’s not so much about the “professional networking” aspect or building a social media network full of fans and promoters. Even in our increasingly tech-laden world, it’s those pure, totally uninhibited, simply “human” face-to-face connections that mean the absolute most in life.

There’s something so unique and special about the bonds we forge over laughter and smiles, as well as those shared over tears and during moments of adversity when communities unite to overcome sorrow.

However, if you’re more of an “introvert” like me and not a Type-A, extroverted personality, those human connections feel a bit tougher to come by. I’d rather listen that talk, ask questions than rattle off answers. It takes some real courage for me to enter a social setting that I’m unfamiliar with, or especially (gasp!) a social scene where I don’t know anybody else beforehand.

Are you the same way?

No matter the extent of your social skills, introverted personality, or even if you deal with social anxiety in certain situations, I’ve assembled some of the easiest and most effective tips for introverts — provided by introverts, themselves! — from across the web and Twittersphere for you to try out at your next networking event or at the local watering hole this weekend!

1. JUST DO IT!!

“I have to force myself to get out there. It’s hard to do. But I join organizations, talk to business people… Engaging people first through social media has helped make the transition to real life interactions easier: It sets up a wonderful comfort level.” calkundra, on Twitter

Honestly, what would we do without the wisdom of Nike’s infamous catch-phrase? Simply force yourself to step outside of your comfort zones. You can even use social media like Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook to facilitate face-to-face connections in a way that provide an initial level of familiarity and comfort with new people.

Did you know that modern scientific and psychological studies prove that when you interpret difficult, uncomfortable situations as “challenges” and “adventures,” we are better able to cope with stress and anxiety?

Get creative and push yourself to extend your boundaries. View each interaction, and each new social setting as a unique challenge, opportunity and adventure to meet new and wonderful people — who knows who you’ll meet, what you’ll learn, and what good could come to a stranger’s life thanks to your friendly smile.

2. RELAX, GET COMFORTABLE

“Warmth. Getting relaxed as possible prior.” playwithamy, on Twitter

Outside of using social media to get yourself more familiar with people who will be in attendance at upcoming networking and social events, you can even visit the venue itself to get familiar with the “lay of the land.” I don’t know about you, but I get all sorts of flustered when I get lost heading to a new venue or struggle to find parking for my car (or, in Boston where I’m currently living, figuring there’s a good chance of getting ticketed and/or towed!).

Watch a funny movie or TV show ahead of time, too.

Your happy, smiling, fun-loving state will carry over into the event and help you radiate with attractive, positive energy and invite new people to approach you for conversation.

3. SET SIMPLE GOALS

“Speak to one stranger per day! Trust and embrace the unknown!” outwardnick, on Twitter

Focus on setting simple goals. Meeting one new person every day — or even just one person in any social setting — helps to build your confidence, gather forward momentum and create a sensation of steady growth within you.

You can meet just one stranger per day, can’t you? :)

4. GET HELP FROM YOUR (OUTGOING) FRIENDS

“I think having at least one very extroverted friend helps. When I’m with mine, you’d never know how shy and introverted I am.” aprilsmithma, on Twitter

This is an awesome bit of advice. Who are your most outgoing, social friends? You can “ride their coat-tails” and tag along with them to events you might not otherwise feel comfortable attending, and begin meeting new people through their naturally extroverted personality.

Don’t feel intimidated by your friend if he or she woos the room and you feel like you’ve taken a back seat or are hiding in the shadows. Remain confident and smiling. You can even ask your friend outright for help meeting people — they will happily oblige.

I use this strategy myself!

5. EMBRACE THE NERVES

“Be scared, uncomfortable, and do it anyway. Stretch boundaries slowly, desensitize one awkward situation at a time! :)” jwitcraft, on Twitter

You’re nervous? Good. You’re alive.

Like any skill, socializing takes practice. I’ve gotten better and better at it over time, and in spite of your nerves, stretching your boundaries step-by-step will help you grow to become pretty good at witty banter and that typical back-and-forth of conversations when meeting new people.

6. MAKE IT ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU

“Focus on the other person. Asking ppl about themselves & being interested makes them think you’re a great conversationalist. :D” cordeliacallsit, on Twitter

I personally LOVE this tip. In any uncomfortable situation, an introvert’s best strategy is to simply take the attention off yourself by asking questions, becoming invested in the words the other person is saying, and deeply listening to their stories.

Take the attention off of yourself by making your interaction with someone about them and not you, and you won’t feel like you’re buckling under the pressure of “putting on a show.”

This technique will also make you feel more comfortable to open up yourself and get familiarized with the group of people with whom you’re spending time.

7. DROP THE ‘INTROVERT’ LABEL ALTOGETHER!

This tip is my own!

Personally, I’m really not sure when I “finally” realized I was an introverted personality. But if the decision was an “either/or” between introvert and extrovert, it’s not like I had much of a choice, anyway!

I’m not sure that it makes any sense to completely reduce our deeply complex personalities to such a black-or-white, introvert or extrovert, one-or-the-other label: one that ingrains an idea within our own minds of our personal skills, talents, abilities, and — equally as powerful — our perceived limitations.

Truly, each of our individual personalities (combined with our unique living experiences) should remind us that each of our personalities represent one of “one million-shades of gray.”

Just drop the “introvert” label and remind yourself that every person is really in the same boat as a human being looking to share those same unique and special human connections with others.

After all, that’s what life is really about.

Six Places Online To Find Something To Do

• href="http://craigslist.org">Craigslist.   The grand daddy of all websites to help you get out of the house.  Classes? Check. Events? Check. Just friends? Check. More than friends? No problem.  I use Craigslist all the time – my favorite sections to post are “strictly platonic” when I’m looking for tennis and hiking buddies, and in the “musicians” section when looking for fellow band mates.  Whatever you’re looking for, Craigslist has you covered.  I’ve even made friends with people after purchasing used tennis rackets and guitars, and some of my best friends have been random people I’ve met on Craigslist.  I have friends in different cities through Craigslist to this day – some of whom I met as many as seven years ago!
• href="http://meetup.com">Meetup.  Meetup is awesome – they have well organized events, you can see who is attending, and you will often see the same regulars at event after event so you can build a relationship.  I’m involved in about a dozen Meetup groups, although I don’t attend many events – but I love being able to see what’s being planned and having the option of attending. Many cities have dedicated “New In Town” Meetup groups, and whenever I’ve attended I’ve found them to be welcoming – and a great place to meet people when I’ve first arrived.
• href="http://twtvite.com/">Twtvite.   A relative newcomer, Twtvite uses Twitter to publicize events and RSVPs.  You don’t even need a Twitter account to use it, you can  just show up – but you’ll want to get on Twitter so you can keep in touch with all the cool people you meet.  Just go to the site to see what’s being organized in your town and to see who’s attending.  As I was writing this I went to check it out and found an event one of my friends was organizing,  that 30 people are attending.  Instant things to do, instant Twitter followers and instant new real life friends.
• href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.bandshows">Myspace Shows. I love discovering new music, so whenever I move to a new city, this is one of the first sites I pull up. Not only does it help me find local music, it also helps me meet people, because I can find people at the concerts that likely are similar to me.  If nothing else, the people I meet have the same taste in music. It also gives me an excuse to check out bars I may not normally visit. One night when I was living in Maui, I had nothing to do so I found an acoustic musician playing a solo show in a tiny little bar in Kihei.  I decided to check it out, and I was blown away.  He was amazing, and since then we’ve remained good friends – and I’ve introduced many of my friends to his music.  I also check out Ticketmaster since they tend to have lots of concerts listed as well, but generally not as many as Myspace Shows – and I also have a harder time meeting people at large concerts compared to smaller local shows.
• href="http://www.metromix.com/">Metromix.  A  great source for club parties and local bar events, Metromix is slick and polished.  They have lots of pictures and information about the venues, so you can make a decision about where to spend your evening.  The downside is they tend to be focused on nightlife, so you may have a harder time finding daytime events.
• href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=fe">Facebook Events. This requires slightly more work which is why it’s last.  Whenever a friend invites me to an event on Facebook, I take a look at who the organizer for the event is and check out their Facebook profile.  Over time I’ve found about a dozen people – local DJs, bartenders, etc. – who constantly post new events to Facebook to get the word out.  The result is that now on any given night, there are usually one or two events I can see going on on Facebook.  Since I can see who is organizing events as well, I can often get on guest lists for free or reduced cover charge.

How about you? Are there any websites you like that help you find local events?

Sid Savara is a a lifehacking fanatic. Visit Sid’s website for more information about HREF="http://sidsavara.com/personal-development/how-to-get-motivated-tips">how to get motivated and href="http://sidsavara.com">analysis driven personal development. Sign up for his newsletter and pick up a copy of his HREF="http://sidsavara.com/motivational-quotes-book">free motivational quotes book, The Little Book Of Big Motivational Quotes.

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Six Places Online To Find Something To Do

• href="http://craigslist.org">Craigslist.   The grand daddy of all websites to help you get out of the house.  Classes? Check. Events? Check. Just friends? Check. More than friends? No problem.  I use Craigslist all the time – my favorite sections to post are “strictly platonic” when I’m looking for tennis and hiking buddies, and in the “musicians” section when looking for fellow band mates.  Whatever you’re looking for, Craigslist has you covered.  I’ve even made friends with people after purchasing used tennis rackets and guitars, and some of my best friends have been random people I’ve met on Craigslist.  I have friends in different cities through Craigslist to this day – some of whom I met as many as seven years ago!
• href="http://meetup.com">Meetup.  Meetup is awesome – they have well organized events, you can see who is attending, and you will often see the same regulars at event after event so you can build a relationship.  I’m involved in about a dozen Meetup groups, although I don’t attend many events – but I love being able to see what’s being planned and having the option of attending. Many cities have dedicated “New In Town” Meetup groups, and whenever I’ve attended I’ve found them to be welcoming – and a great place to meet people when I’ve first arrived.
• href="http://twtvite.com/">Twtvite.   A relative newcomer, Twtvite uses Twitter to publicize events and RSVPs.  You don’t even need a Twitter account to use it, you can  just show up – but you’ll want to get on Twitter so you can keep in touch with all the cool people you meet.  Just go to the site to see what’s being organized in your town and to see who’s attending.  As I was writing this I went to check it out and found an event one of my friends was organizing,  that 30 people are attending.  Instant things to do, instant Twitter followers and instant new real life friends.
• href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.bandshows">Myspace Shows. I love discovering new music, so whenever I move to a new city, this is one of the first sites I pull up. Not only does it help me find local music, it also helps me meet people, because I can find people at the concerts that likely are similar to me.  If nothing else, the people I meet have the same taste in music. It also gives me an excuse to check out bars I may not normally visit. One night when I was living in Maui, I had nothing to do so I found an acoustic musician playing a solo show in a tiny little bar in Kihei.  I decided to check it out, and I was blown away.  He was amazing, and since then we’ve remained good friends – and I’ve introduced many of my friends to his music.  I also check out Ticketmaster since they tend to have lots of concerts listed as well, but generally not as many as Myspace Shows – and I also have a harder time meeting people at large concerts compared to smaller local shows.
• href="http://www.metromix.com/">Metromix.  A  great source for club parties and local bar events, Metromix is slick and polished.  They have lots of pictures and information about the venues, so you can make a decision about where to spend your evening.  The downside is they tend to be focused on nightlife, so you may have a harder time finding daytime events.
• href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=fe">Facebook Events. This requires slightly more work which is why it’s last.  Whenever a friend invites me to an event on Facebook, I take a look at who the organizer for the event is and check out their Facebook profile.  Over time I’ve found about a dozen people – local DJs, bartenders, etc. – who constantly post new events to Facebook to get the word out.  The result is that now on any given night, there are usually one or two events I can see going on on Facebook.  Since I can see who is organizing events as well, I can often get on guest lists for free or reduced cover charge.

How about you? Are there any websites you like that help you find local events?

Sid Savara is a a lifehacking fanatic. Visit Sid’s website for more information about HREF="http://sidsavara.com/personal-development/how-to-get-motivated-tips">how to get motivated and href="http://sidsavara.com">analysis driven personal development. Sign up for his newsletter and pick up a copy of his HREF="http://sidsavara.com/motivational-quotes-book">free motivational quotes book, The Little Book Of Big Motivational Quotes.

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An important part of our growth and motivation as people lies in contributing to the greater good, being part of something greater than ourselves. While “making the world a better place” often calls to mind images of great leaders at the head of mighty social movements, white-coated researchers developing new medicines or energy sources, or geniuses dreaming up theories that explain the world around us, there is plenty of room for less lofty acts that create small measures of happiness in the lives of those around us. Little gestures can create or strengthen our sense of community and of shared humanity, lightening our burdens for just a moment and giving us something to smile about. And that’s no small matter.

Here are ten little gestures, all of them easily within our grasp, that can spread goodwill in our own communities, as well as increase our own sense of mindfulness about the people around us and our relationship to them.

1. Tip generously: As often as you can afford, leave a tip of 25%, 50%, 100%, or even more. (Obviously this applies mostly in countries where 15% tips are the norm.) Unless the service was simply awful – and even then, it might pay to consider what your server goes through – leaving as large a tip as you can afford not only puts a little extra extra money in your servers’ pocket, it tells them that they’re appreciated, a message that often slips our minds in our demanding, service-now society.
2. Compliment someone: Tell someone how much you like the job they’re doing, their outfit or new haircut, their singing voice – whatever. Be honest and sincere. I like to practice “drive-by compliments”, sending an out-of-the-blue email to someone whose website, post, or comment on a post I really liked. Don’t expect anything in return, just let someone know that something they’re doing works and move on.
3. Be totally open with someone: Let someone know exactly how you feel about something on your mind (though not something negative about them – there’s a different “protocol” for that sort of thing). We often keep too much to ourselves; letting someone into your confidence can be a great way to show your trust and appreciation of them. Of course, you have to judge what is and isn’t appropriate – it is possible to move past openness to dragging others into your problems, and that’s not making the world a better place.
4. Give someone a book you’ve read: Making a gift of something you’ve read and enjoyed is more than just a nice gesture, it’s a way of showing someone that a) you think of them, b) you understand them, and c) you want to share something with them. The moment doesn’t end when they take the book – once they’ve read it, you can talk about your reactions together. Don’t do this with people around you who don’t read, though – you’ll build up an obligation that will be painful for them to discharge.
5. Make something for someone: Bake an extra batch of cookies, draw a picture, decorate an extra Christmas ornament, and give it to someone for no good reason. Like giving someone a book, it tells them that you were thinking about them and wanted to do something nice for them, and that it’s something you made adds a nice touch. Give without expectations – whether they return the favor or not, whether they like it or not, whether they’re nice to you or not, these are all irrelevant.
6. Send a letter, email, tweet, or text message out of the blue: Email someone you haven’t spoken with for a while, or text someone you see every day just to be nice. Maybe they’ll respond, maybe not – it’s beside the point. They just need to know that they’re important to you.
7. Commend an employee to their manager: It’s one thing to tip or compliment someone for their service, it’s another to contact their manager and tell them what a great job they’ve done. If you don’t have time at the time of service, note the employees name and call, email, or write a letter later.
8. Teach someone how to do something: Share your skill or talent with someone by showing them how to do something. Not so they won’t bother you with it, but so they can move a little bit towards improved mastery of the world around them. Have patience and respect for the person you’re helping – you’re giving them a gift, not compensating for some lack in their character.
9. Let someone shine: Put a spotlight on someone else’s talents by letting them take over a presentation, deferring to their wisdom, asking them advice, or otherwise flex their “talent muscles”. Especially if they are junior to you, giving them a chance to strut their stuff shows that you trust them and appreciate them, as well as allowing them to get the attention they deserve (and which might often be obscured by your own shadow).
10. Connect like minds: Introduce two friends or colleagues who you feel have something to gain from each other. You’ll be letting them know you value them – and maybe creating a partnership that will make everyone better off.

You’ve probably heard the saying “Practice random acts of kindness”, and that’s basically what I’m talking about here. Anything that shows people you care about them – something we can be mighty stingy about most of the time – has the potential to make the world, or your small corner of it, a better place.

Do you have anything to add? What little gestures do you do, or have others done for you, that have brightened the world even just a little bit? Let us know in the comments.

Dustin M. Wax is a freelance writer and project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He is also the creator of The Writer's Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he's not writing, he teaches anthropology and gender studies in Las Vegas, NV. He is the author of Don't Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.

Follow him on Twitter: @dwax.

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